Desire

What drives us to do what we do? What is it that keeps your fire lit?  Can we force that fire to burn?
For myself, I can't say that everything I do is for my Soul Goal.  Often times, more often than not, what drove me to do what I did was the desire to please others, to not let them down, to do what I thought they wanted me to do; therefore they would be happy and in turn I would be happy- because of their happiness. I made a choice to do these things, I can't say I regret the actions I took because it lead me to where I am now and taught me some important lessons.  What I have now is the desire to change and the desire to live for me. That doesn't mean excluding others from my life.  Its being open to listen to their criticisms, their truths and make a decision to incorporate (or not) what they are saying.  Often times when we hear criticism, it is the other person's fears coming out.  These words come from their desire to be safe or secure or insert another foundation feeling here.  These are words I had a tendency to latch onto and then change what I was doing in order to manage and secure the position of the other person.  This became toxic in my life. 

Artist: KLP 2010

When I am living to fulfill someone elses perceived desire, it manifests physically in my body.  I get tight, and anxious and I stubbornly push through the pain thinking that i am doing good when ultimately it's hurting me.  As humans, we are sensitive to each others needs and wants and dislike etc.  So sensitive that we try to be intuitive as to what those needs are and begin to shape our behavior around pleasing those people.  Sometimes we want to show the other person how much we care about them or show off how much we know and understand them that we create habits of anticipating their needs.  This can become annoying to the other person as they can feel managed and you can end up feeling resentful and under-appreciated.  The easiest way to get over this is for us to BE CLEAR about our desires.  

These horses desire closeness and grooming.

How do your desires fit with your partners desires or employers desires or friends desires?  How do we even begin to talk about them?  I know I have had a hard time starting these discussions because I want to have it all figured out before I start the conversation, forgetting that just talking about it can aid the process, strengthen bonds, and bring out some other good ideas I may never have come up with. I know what my soul goal is, now I need to find a way to get there.  Talking about it has certainly helped.

Horse whisper

When I go out and hang with the herd, I see the horses have their own desires.  For example, one desire is for more personal space.  They don't hint at it or ignore their need, they express this desire right away and the pasture-mates can either comply or not.  There is no resentment or feelings of loss.  They deal with it and move on.  Now I will continue to work on that...